Vancouver to Charlotte – 45 minute delay leaving Vancouver, but no problems since the Vegas to Charlotte leg was delayed 1 hour.  Flight overbooked to the point of taking volunteers.  Yet another "random" secondary inspection at security.  Apparently, 40ish Southern geek moms are a suspicious group since I’ve now honed my travel gear down to pretty much nil.  Maybe not raising any flags is a flag now?  Ah, well, Philadelphia (actually West Conshohocken) PA next week.  Let’s see how a direct flight from hub to hub goes tomorrow.

So, no big surprise, my seats were borked for my flights to Vancouver.  Not that my flights weren’t a mess as well.  Apparently, there is no way to fly from Vancouver to Charlotte in daylight hours or from Charlotte to Vancouver by anything but a circuitous route.  Ah well, at least I can get my seats fixed – right?  Sounds easier than it was.  Couldn’t do it from the website.  Hm… that’s new.  Maybe cause it is Canada.

 

I call the USAirways number.  I get an automated menu system.  English.  Flights to Canada or the US.  Existing reservations.  "If you wish to change your reservation, seats, etc. please call [toll free number].  Thank you."  *click*   Mmmmkay – they gave me the number I called.  Call back.  English.  Flights to Canada or the US.  New reservation.  (Figuring the idea of getting new money might be more exciting than dealing with people that have already turned theirs over).  I get "Dan".  Dan tells me he can’t fix my seats because it is an America West flight.  I tell him multiple times it is not.  He transfers me to America West.  They tell me it is a USAir flight.  I tell them I know that but Dan doesn’t.  They transfer me back.  I get told that I can’t get a seat until I get to the airport.  Uhhhhhh…..

 

Arrive at the airport at 5:30 in the morning (love the new security stuff).  Check in.  They can’t give me a seat.  Erm.  Tell me to go to the gate.  I ask about my connecting flight boarding pass.  They can’t print that because it is an America West flight.  Starting to feel a bit like this is Groundhog Day.  I go to the gate and FINALLY someone can give me a seat.  But no boarding pass for second leg.  I get told to check in early at the next gate.  I’d love to – but my flight leaves 45 minutes late and my layover time is 1 hour.  I go screaming across the Phoenix airport, racing up to the gate, thanking my lucky stars that I packed all my stuff I needed for Monday in my backpack (except for toiletries, of course – no one needs to brush their teeth anymore according to TSA).  They ask me for my boarding pass.  I tell them that they need to print it.  Argue, stupid comments, more arguing, finally get pass.  Finally get on plane.

 

Couple is sitting in E and F.  My seat is F.  I point out that my seat is F (note this is after 4 hours of flying with 4 more to go and I’m getting a bit cranky).  Husband says "My wife likes the window."  I reply that in the future she should request it then.  He tells me that it is better for her to sleep and she likes to watch the arrival.  I tell him that she isn’t the only one and I’d like my seat, please.  He asks why I’m "being difficult".  I point out that I’m not being difficult, that seats are assigned and considering I just got my seat 5 minutes before they could have easily requested a change when they checked in.  Skymuffin tells me to just sit down so we can take off.  Wow and yeesh.  Five minutes into the flight, hubby is snoring loud enough to overpower the engine noise.  I seriously consider smacking him in the forehead with my book.  Wife (still in my seat) apologizes.  I respond that while an apology is nice, waking him up (or duct taping his mouth) might be more helpful to the people around us.  She stares out my window.  The guy in the row behind me starts obviously kicking the husband’s seat.   I start considering a career change and stick my nose in my book.

 

4 hours and two bags of stale pretzels later, we arrive.  Husband and wife team start protesting to the skymuffin that they don’t need to fill out customs and immigration forms because they are going to Alaska on a cruise.  Skymuffin points out that the cruise leaves from Canada.  Husband says "But we are Americans".  I suddenly realize why people in other countries are stunned when Americans don’t act like asses if these folks are "regular tourists".  He continues to mutter (loudly) about how he shouldn’t have to fill out forms "just to go to Canada".  I suggest that perhaps the US should stop worrying so much about people coming in then and get rid of all those annoying border control folks.  He tells me "That’s different."

 

Dunno about you folks, but I’m hearing the hooves of the Horsemen in the distance…

Recently two fairly untraveled friends of mine have asked for Cosmic packing advice.  Now, considering I can do a 5 day business trip in a 22" rollerbag and a backpack, I’m hardly an average traveler  (oh, and I can pack that bag in under 10 minutes), but I’m always willing to try.  So, much like "Plastics" I have decided to condense my advice into two easy to remember points – quality footwear and coughdrops.  First, the coughdrops.  Now, most people know that plane air is dry and stale.  And most people carry gum for takeoff and landing.  Well, replace the gum with coughdrops and make your throat happier as you pop your ears while waiting for your specimen cup of "complimentary beverage".  (TSA gel, cream and aerosol warning – might want to avoid the ones with the liquid center – better safe than cavity checked in "the little room".)

 

Secondly, but perhaps most importantly, revisit your shoes.  There are, once again, two key points – TSA ease of removal and comfort (not to mention speed) for moving through airports.  Ideally, your "airport shoes" should double as your work shoes and sightseeing shoes for conservation of baggage space and weight (shoes are heavy and the new weight restrictions make every ounce count).  Those of you that run while on the road can stop here, since you will have to find the space for your running shoes, but for the rest of you, I’ve found three brands that have worked for me.  First, Cole Haan moccasins and loafers – never go with a shoe that isn’t easy to slide on and off (TSA) or that looks overly casual (sport or beach sandals/thongs).  The Cole Haan Country collection has shoes that meet these criteria perfectly, but they require breaking in.  For years I mixed and matched Cole Haan loafers and Rockports – another great shoe that meets our criteria.  These days?  It’s Merrells, hands down.  Now, you have to be careful (lots of Merrells look far too casual for a work environment) but in general these are perfect travel shoes out of the box – comfortable, business casual, easy to put on and take off, sturdy and requiring no break in period.

 

Finally, for all of you that aren’t seeing tennis shoes mentioned here – that’s cause they don’t really meet either criteria and have other "issues".  They take time to take off and more time to put back on and they hardly double as dinner or business wear (no, not even the black ones – they just make you look like you need a pocket protector).  Yes, they are comfortable but please, I beg of you, avoid being in front of or behind the guy wearing the sneakers in the TSA line.  Sneakers = foot funk.  Serious foot funk.  Now think about it – do *you* want to be the guy with the funky feet who gets pulled for a random security check, kills two people and hospitalizes four others due to respiratory problems related to the green fog emanating from betwixt their toes?  I thought not.  Ditch the sneaks.

In a few weeks, I’m headed to Philadelphia, one of USAirways’ main hubs, from Charlotte, yet another USAir "fortress hub".  In fact, it’s darned hard to fly anywhere on USAirways that you don’t wind up in Charlotte, DC, Philly or Pittsburgh on some leg of your trip.  So let’s look at the fares.

 

First, the lowest – for $178 round trip, I can take Northwest to Philly through Memphis.  For $182 round trip, I can take Delta through Atlanta.

 

Now, let’s look at USAirways’ hub to hub flights for roundtrip Charlotte to Philly.  The cheapest on Expedia is $412, the same on the USAirways site is $407 since I wouldn’t need to pay the $5 Expedia booking fee.  Seem a bit extreme?  Yup.  And weird.  Very weird.  A few years ago the airlines announced that fares would make more sense and that you could no longer drive to a smaller airport and get cheaper fares on the same flights from hubs.  Mmmmkay…. I live about 30-45 minutes from the Charlotte airport, about an hour from the Greensboro airport.  Hardly enough to worry about given the amount of time killed in airports these days thanks to heightened security and lowered on-time ratings.  Let’s check Greensboro to Philly, shall we?

 

The lowest this time is United with a round trip fare of $219, but for $20 more, I can take direct USAirways flights to and from Philly at $239.  I can even fly into Charlotte and take the same $407 flight for about that.  Now, let’s say this consumes (on the high side) $20 more fuel (it’s not even close to this, even with today’s gas prices).  I can drive 15-30 min longer and save about $150.  Yep, this makes a *lot* more sense.  About as much sense as the $50 paid upgrade from economy to 1st class (available to anyone, not just tier frequent fliers) vs. the $800+ first class ticket.

 

Maybe the best first step for the airlines to bring themselves back from the brink of financial disaster is to realize that the passengers are customers, not cargo or cattle – and they aren’t stupid.  Considering that my last two flights required 10 hours total (each) after factoring in "get there early", delayed flights, enhanced security and other air travel annoyances (like waiting for luggage that must now be checked so you can brush your teeth), with only 2 hours of the 10 actually "in the air", airline travel is rapidly becoming neither faster nor more convenient.

 

Consider this for Charlotte to Atlanta round trip:

 

Airline – $202 (Delta), 3 hours in air, 4 hours pre-flight (2 hours per trip), total transit time 7 hours.

Amtrak – $101, 5 hours travel time each way, total transit time 10 hours.

Bus – $100, 4 hours travel time each way, total transit time 8 hours.

Driving – $100 (gas, estimated), 4 hours drive time each way, total transit time 8 hours.

 

How long before regular travelers on this route seriously consider trading in those 2-3 hours trying to entertain themselves in airports for a business class seat on a train where they can brush their teeth, read a book and not stand somewhere waiting on an overnight bag.

From the lead flight attendant on my Minneapolis to Charlotte return trip, during the safety announcement:

 

"Now, should our flight turn into a cruise, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices."

 

Yep, it got my attention. 😀